is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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