Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
