Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
