P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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