I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
