dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
