I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
