Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
