is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
