FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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