so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
