I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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