Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
