he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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