I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
