2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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