Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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