Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
