Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
