If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
