Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
