And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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