there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
