I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
