White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had sex on a dog bed..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
