i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
