So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize