the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
