so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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