My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
