Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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