She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
