love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
