i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
