Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
