So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
