Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
