In America we eat man semen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
