my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
