I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
