He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
