I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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