we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
