I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i will never coherently bang her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
