last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
