peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
