I wish I could punch you in the face.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize