you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
