Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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