Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
