I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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