it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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