I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
