I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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