Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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