i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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