she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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