You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
