and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
