I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
