Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
