she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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