we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
