I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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