It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
