Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize