I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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