I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
