I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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