How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
