Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
